April 7
From my brain
Contents |
2009
Me 12:36, 7 April 2009 (EDT)
My little Princess is growing up. Today: kindergarten screening. Where has the time gone???
What you were expecting a mopey self-centered rant? Eh, maybe later.
Me 15:23, 7 April 2009 (EDT)
With all that is going on with me now, and even just with Great Lent going on in general, here's a little something humbling to read.
2008
Me 08:26, 7 April 2008 (EDT)
There's just something about saying your morning prayers while driving into a wonderful sunrise. (Yes, I'm actually not ranting first thing this morning.) I start eating my breakfast as I leave the development, and by a particular turn, I try to finish eating. As I complete the turn, I begin the prayers, and generally by the time I pull into work, I'm saying "Amen."
This morning as I rounded the turn, I realized that while I was running late, the sun wasn't fully bright as there was a thick band of clouds in the east. At this point in the year, it just so happened that the road I was on was pointed straight at the sun which was just peeking over the clouds.
At first, I put my sunglasses down as I recited my prayers, but as I drove, I realized it was quite beautiful. There wasn't a reason to have to have the sunglasses on, and I should really appreciate it in the full Technicolor of Life. Deep oranges and reds, shafts of light breaking through the lower clouds, a brilliant light just cresting over the top. It's been a long time since I was that focused on my morning prayers.
Maybe that had a bit to do with church this weekend. Was a great service, and was good to finally go to church twice in a row for once lately. It may have been because he knew we were doing one afterward, or it may be because everyone should try to do one, but he talked a fair amount about confession during the homily this week.
One of the points he made was about despair and how it's just as much of a sin as anything else. At it's core, despair is really about pride. It all boils down to, "My life sucks so bad that even God can't fix me." All that "Woe is me!" and "No one can have as bad of life as I'm having!" is straight-up pride.
Life is struggle. Everyone has their demons. We shouldn't guilt ourselves into despair about the troubles that we fall into, rather, we should pray for the humility to ask for forgiveness for what we've done and move passed it. Does it mean we'll never fall into it again? No. Does the trying to not fall into it count? Absolutely.
“Abba, what should I do? I fell.” The elder answered: “Get up!”
Me 09:12, 7 April 2008 (EDT)
Might as well post it here for the friends who know, and as there's nothing of personal info in it.
- Me (8:40:32 AM): for the record...i don't like being good with the internet.
- Sterling (8:40:50 AM): Information has become available?
- Me (8:41:09 AM): yes. clerk of courts. i've known since thursday.
- Me (8:41:22 AM): how's he holding together?
- Sterling (8:41:23 AM): Ah.
- Sterling (8:41:43 AM): As well as can be expected. Good days and bad days. That sort of thing.
- Me (8:42:50 AM): Tell him he's in my prayers. I haven't stopped thinking about him and what he's going through since I first asked you about stuff last Tuesday.
- Sterling (8:43:46 AM): I'll pass it along.
- Sterling (8:43:55 AM): Hey, did you quit smoking?
- Me (8:44:12 AM): I don't physically smoke, but I've been known to join people who need to go smoke.
- EDIT: Here I was hoping for some inside info...
- Sterling (8:44:52 AM): Ah.
- Sterling (8:45:19 AM): Well, that doesn't help a smoker who has no smokes and has had his rent effectively double recently. :)
- EDIT: Damn, just bumming a smoke.
- Me (8:45:56 AM): Ack. Sorry man...on both counts.
- Sterling (8:46:17 AM): Ah, well.
Me 11:04, 7 April 2008 (EDT)
The trouble with being not-necessarily one of the guys occurs when you move:
- One friend is having issues with partentage / work and hasn't gotten back to me.
- Close friend is busy, but never even mentioned volunteering her husband (secretly think he doesn't like us personally)
- One friend who had a motorcycle accident last year and can't lift over 50lbs any more
- One friend on reserve duty
- One less-close friend has his daughter that day and only one car (himmed and hawed a bit when I asked anyway)
- Asst. Den leader was willing to help...but this is the ONLY weekend he can't
- Guy from church has been out of town, but said he'd help...email has been bouncing all week
- Another friend is four hours away and can't help this weekend as he's working Saturday
- One friend in jail
So, as it stands now, it's FIL (only driving the truck as he can't quite lift that much either), me, and Wifey that are all that's confirmed for Saturday.
This sucks.
Me 12:30, 7 April 2008 (EDT)
Later on in the evening, we look at it and we're wrong: "Sender: IRS".
- OH
- CRAP
Now we're in full-on freak out mode, but we try to hold it back because we can't do anything until Monday. Go to church. Work on the house. Stay calm.
Wifey just left me a message. The certified letter from the IRS?
It's for the neighbors.
Me 14:14, 7 April 2008 (EDT)
My mom sends me stupid emails all the time. You know, the cutesie stories, the urban myths, the chain letters, etc. This time, she's sent me something that's honestly got me spooked.
If the republican candidate turns out to be a twit...I'll vote for Hillary before I vote for Obama now.
Me 16:10, 7 April 2008 (EDT)
Why is it that I feel like I'm probably the source of information that I had the common human decency to post about vaguely? Do others do the same? Nooooo. They have to lay it all out on the table for everyone and their brother to see the full details.
So much for that little thing called presumption of innocence.
2006
Me 11:46, 07, April 2006 (EDT)
It's official, I now like J. K. Rowling..
2004
Me 22:00, 07, April 2004 (EDT)
Long time no write...
Other than that nothing of an entry the other day, I haven't written much lately. Mostly due to lack of self-interest, but partly this damnable bronchitis/cold/flu/bubonic chicken SARS.
But, I digress from my quasi-self-loathing. Once again today, I get a call from Primerica. Good god, ANOTHER fucking office. How many of these guys are out there? I mean, I know they're "independantly owned and operated", but could you guys at LEAST make a note SOMEWHERE in a central location that now fucking THREE OF YOUR OFFICES HAVE CALLED THE SAME GUY????
To (slightly) digress again: I rather miss being in full swing of being sick. At least then, I was so drugged and/or caught up with trying to flush out the demons from my sinus'/lungs, I wouldn't be depressed about still fucking working here.
It's gotten me thinking that this is about as qualified a job I'm able to hold with the skills I have. All that I keep being offered - whether through actual calls or through nearly EVERY job search engine - has been sales related. Apparently, all I am qualified for is having generic "business" experience that they can mold into their employee. Just what I want: Another company that is going to have me end up with that same "indispensible here, but elsewhere useless" feeling I've been having for awhile.
/pity-party
