August 8
From my brain
Contents |
2010
Me 09:05, 8 August 2010 (EDT)
Woke at 6am today. Could not sleep for anything. Mind is still cluttered with all the stuff about the externship. I'm still determined to do this, but the concept of all of this is staggering. Sure, the whole "going to Italy for three months without your wife and kids" is big, but the bucking of the system in a big way is what's keeping me awake I think.
Yesterday, I made three dozen bagels for church (2.5 since the blueberry ones looked like crap). I couldn't get the stuff out of my head so I didn't even really start doing them until almost 4pm. Once working on them though, I got into The Groove and and the epiphany struck me: I've been here before. I've been in "those meetings" where everyone else has their agenda, and I may or may not include me. They know what's right, I get to have my say, but in the end, I'm just an employee and they get what they want.
The distinct difference here: I'm paying them, not the other way around. This is my education, and they're there to work for me. I don't care what's right for the school. I don't care what they're lawyers say. What I truly care about is making my family and I happy and safe for years to come.
Wife agro. Time for church. I'm sure there will be more later.
2008
Me 08:19, 8 August 2008 (EDT)
Bliss. Absolute bliss. Sure I was still a little sleepy, but when I woke on the air mattress -- the second one, as I still have to repatch the other one -- I just didn't wanna get out. It felt so good to be on a decently firm mattress that I just wanted to stay there. *sigh* I should have.
Of course, the database breaks. The one yesterday you wonder? Oh no. It's the one that's been breaking on and off for weeks that's ran crystal clear all week. Today, it goes boom, and the one from yesterday runs fine.
I need new tools.
Me 14:24, 8 August 2008 (EDT)
- We have a new person who is going over the file. After July 30 for the next 15 days the file in review. After that the file goes to the investor. I ll be in touch again next week. Have a good week end. RealtorLady
2007
Me 08:53, 8 August 2007 (EDT)
Late as hell today for work, and now my computer is acting all wonky. Any time I try to open an Access database, I get this funky warning (to the right). I'm running Windows Update now, and it came up with a text talking about "Microsoft Software that may be a security issue" and said I should run that update.
We'll see if this fixes it.
2006
Me 07:17, 8 August 2006 (EDT)
Lack of focus is seriously starting to affect me. Part of it is money problems, part of it is work, part of it is home. All of it is interrelated of course. The money problems are due to work not making me happy, and work not making me happy is making me a schlep at home. Add to that the fact that the money problems are causing us to have arguements at home and it's a nice triangle.
You know that scene from Metropolis that they used to show at the begining of Working? The one with the Workers trudging off down the halls into the bowels of the city? I had one of those art-imitates life things this morning.
It was a horribly mutated version of deja vu where it's not the feeling you've been there before, but instead it was the feeling you're GOING to be doing the same thing time and time again in the future.
I've pulled into nearly the same parking spot every morning for the last few weeks (the parking lot is nearly empty at my hour of the day). One of the kitchen staff was out in the smoking shelter having her morning cigarette before the breakfast rush came in to work. The sun was just peeking over the horizon/cloudline. The former-owner/president of our division was waiting for his girlfriend/employee/mother-of-his-illegitate-child to show up for work. The kitchentette area in our department had that faint smell of freshly brewed coffee, and the fridge was nearly empty save for the people who had forgotten their doggy bags from lunch the previous day at the office.
It doesn't seem to change from day to day. I'm being asked to gather roughtly the same pieces of data, only reinterpreting them differently, slicing, dicing, juliening them to the point they barely resemble their source data any longer. I never wanted to be analyst (no, I didn't want to be a lumberjack either), but I'm being driven to do so at an increasing rate.
So now, I've been looking into going (back?) to school for what I went to DeVry for in the first place: video game design. I went there because I thought a technology college would give me the skills I wanted to develop games. Unfortunately, programming back then was about business applications, not video games. So, I quit. Now, I'm suffering the consequences of that.
As I said, I've been doing some research into going back to school. My primary option right now is Westwood College Online, and specificially their Game Software Degree. At this point, the only thing stopping me is going to be Financial Aid and my own worry.
If you aren't aware, I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Just slightly. A smidge. Who am I kidding? I'll probably put off climbing into a casket for a few weeks after I'm dead! So, Wifey has a worry that I'm not going to be motivated enough to finish my assignements. Part of me says she's got something there, and part of me says I'm going to be motiviated because it's something I care about.
to be continued...check back later
Me 10:37, 8 August 2006 (EDT)
So, tell me the truth...is this too emo?
2003
Me 21:31, 08, August 2003 (EDT)
I'm seriously getting tired of this. Ceraun and I have been working our ASSES off to "meet or exceed the needs of the customer" on this particular project. It's an INSANE program I wrote - during chemo mind you - a couple years ago. This has been the first major mod we've every had to do it.
Again, working our asses off to get this thing working. Otherwise people have to make about 100+ MANUAL calculations every day on a report. (I hate the word manual.) Granted, it's been a lot of work on our part, but, it's been something other accounts have asked for as well.
Well He-Who's-Lies-Know-No-Limits (hereafter TheEvilOne), calls tonight "to touch base"... ...and in the process, asks how things are going with another project of mine. When I inform him that I haven't worked on it, because some issues came up with the other project, he starts all himming and hawing (I've said this phrase for years...how DO you spell it?) that we're spending too much time on "big projects". And then, he throws in the wrench:
"I have lots of other stuff that needs to done for our department."
Now, that's not for the customer when he says for the department. He's talking purely about internal reports. What's happening is what ALWAYS happens. Whatever department he's in, THAT is our focus. Not whomever we support the most in the company, whoever GIVES HIM the benefits.
At any given time, in a team of five people you have the following:
- Me, working on all the huge crazy shit that comes down the pipe.
- Ceraun, who mans the pipe during day shift, plus has a bunch of legacy crazy shit.
- Phoenix, who handles the bulk of the requests coming in, but has been around to have some legacy crazy shit.
- Another guy working on all the reports for his old department which he still maintains since he joined our group.
- And finally Phantom, who's new, but rocks to high levels of KickAssdom in the short time he's been here, handling whatever has slipped passed the rest of us
The thing is, at any point, any one - or two, or three - of us are pulled off WHATEVER we're working on, to work SOLELY and without letting up onto TheEvilOne's projects.
Why in the HELL is HE our major customer????? I really don't understand that. I really don't understand why a group that is designed to support the whole company is instead conscripted to providing data with EXTREME bias to only one individual.
I really gotta write that letter to the CIO. Zej needs to tact edit though. I might get to wordy otherwise.
...not that that happens when I get heated on a subject.
Me 23:37, 08, August 2003 (EDT)
Finally!
Someone who views the world EXACTLY the way I do.
Not only that, they speak eloquently, with distinction, and on top of it, it leaves you with a sense of peace about your place in the world and within our culture.
Very deep stuff.
