August 9
From my brain
Contents |
2008
Me 23:13, 9 August 2008 (EDT)
The basement at the house is now empty. A few miscellaneous PC cases and a monitor or two and that's it. I'm exhausted...both physically and emotionally.
I snapped at one point on Wifey. The house was draining me. I think I finally settled on what it is that's happening that's making me so sad. It's the reminders of failure as I walk through the house.
Yes, yes, I love my family. We're still together, but that whole having a house for the kids to grow up in thing is ever present. I walk through the house and see all those things that I wished I'd done. Little jobs here and there that when we first moved in I even said, "Oh, I should fix that some day. Seven and a half years later, they're still not done and we're losing the house.
When I went off on Wifey it was when she said something to me about me slacking off during the day. I got lost in my own moping (hey, I can recognize it, that counts, doesn't it?), and she was trying to encourage me. She tried saying that it's not good for me to constantly have to come there, and said something to the fact that we're going to have to be there longer as we got such a late start, that "Do you want to be here?". I lashed out and said, No, I want to be the FUCK out of here! Yeah, damn near shoulda made that font green.
A few moments later, I found that my favorite chair, my arm chair, the one I picked out right after we moved in. The one I took so many naps in during chemo. The one I held TheBoy in while he was wrapped up tight in a blanket on my chemo weekends so he wouldn't touch my skin...had grown moldy. Lots of stuff in the basement was getting that way. The heat and humidity was taking over.
Any time after that for like a half hour, it didn't matter what Wifey asked me about, I said, "Pitch it." There were things that I was keeping that I honestly intended on doing something with...some day. "Pitch it." Most of it she had the common sense to at least put in garage sale though. She gave my my space. God bless her. Don't know how she puts up with me.
Later on, once we got home, exhausted and sweaty, I put in a call to Roxy. Today was the gathering in Denver (Fort Collins to be precise), and there were to be a LOT of people there. More than we usually get at ELC for sure, but I guess that has to do with the fact that we're on a Mountain-Time server, and a LARGE population of members of the guild are from the Denver area.
A gave a -- literal -- shout out on the (speaker) phone and it was neat to hear a whole crowd of people shout back their hellos. I really wanted to make it up for this trip, but with our finances being what they are, a $400 plane ticket just wasn't in order. Maybe next year...
And now, I'm exhausted. I'm usually up MUCH later on Saturday, but between the work today and the storm coming in (i.e. TheBoy is gonna be up at least once), I should get some sleep.
2007
Me 08:08, 9 August 2007 (EDT)
It's apparent that it's a bad idea to speak to my boss on my issues. Each day I find myself motivated to talking to him, he's out of the office. Such is today.
/sigh
Me 14:10, 9 August 2007 (EDT)
Compliments I received today
- From Anaea on the Chamber of Guilds website, regarding my frustration over raiding in Sleeper Cartel
- I don't think there's anything "simple" about the problem you're describing or the solution you'll need because, Darias, you're one of the best of us. If it were simple or easy you would already have fixed it.
- From two guildies in response to the following:
- How can someone look up to you if theyre 70 when you havent even touched on anything that they have done? Its more than ego, its being able to answer everyones questions and not make yourself look bad.
- From Maneatingcow:
- I look up to my current GM and I'll have 70 alliance and horde toons at 70 before he has a single 70. I fail to see the problem.
- From Corsina:
- The current GM of our guild isn't level 70, yet he does an outstanding job as GM. He has a great deal of respect from people in our guild, and from his officers. And he GETS respect in return as well. He has officers in charge of different aspects of the game - officers that are chosen based on criteria and what is needed. He doesn't know it all and doesn't claim to.
2006
Me 09:41, 9 August 2006 (EDT)
Now, while Lawgirl still says I'm the gayest heterosexual man she knows, I say...
