January 13

From my brain

Contents 1 2010 1.1 Me 00:38, 13 January 2011 (EST) 2 2009 2.1 Me 09:03, 13 January 2009 (EST) 2.2 Me 11:17, 13 January 2009 (EST) 3 2008 3.1 Me 23:57, 13 January 2008 (EST) 4 2005 4.1 Me 23:26, 13, January 2005 (EDT) 5 2004 5.1 Me 23:26, 13, January 2004 (EDT)

2010

Me 00:38, 13 January 2011 (EST)

So, as it turns out, one of my favorite classmates not only applied for the Pastry Chef position at Kroger, but she got it too. If in fact I do get the job, she's one of the few classmates that it'd be nice to say hi too regularly.  :)

In other news, others from school have been interviewing there. Unknown as to whether they interviewed for the Bistro Chef position or others that were available. My friend above hopes that one of the people who interviewed -- a particularly distasteful person who prided himself on making life hell for others -- was going for the one she was offered. I worry a bit that he interviewed for mine...and might have gotten it.

I mean, she DID get the callback today whereas I did not. True, HR could still be digging for me, and true the interview went well...but that doesn't make me sleep any better. On top of that, my friend above also said that the HR chick is also got tomorrow off. So, there's no point in me obsessing about phone calls that are coming in tomorrow...cuz they won't be from Kroger.

2009

Me 09:03, 13 January 2009 (EST)

Last week Wednesday, VCS sent out the following:

Guys

I’ll be conducting performance reviews in the next couple of days. If you like, please fill out the worksheet on Page 7 and forward back to me today or tomorrow if possible.

Thank you.

I realized this morning I didn't get to it yesterday, so I popped it open and looked it over. I'd heard this year that they were revising the evals, so I was prepared for there to be a bit of changes. Holy crap did they ever change it.

Before, it used to be on a numeric scale for each quality. For example:

JOB KNOWLEDGE:

Demonstrates an understanding and application of job requirements, processes and procedures.

Would have gotten a 1-10 scale (rather, .1 to 1.0) on how the manager believed the employee did. A .5 on the scale was a "Meets expectations" of a role, and above that (closer to 1.0) meant you were more and more exceptional for that quality of the job function. After that, all the sections of qualities would be averaged up. There were a couple other sections (objectives completed and whatnot), and then those three would be added together. Then, they toss you on to the bell curve, and assign your raise accordingly.

Now, there are but three options for each quality:

• Exceeds Expectations (You rawk!)
• Meets Expectations (You OK joe!)
• Below Expectations (You suck!)

These are all just checkboxes. No numeric values attached. At the bottom of that performance section, it simply says, "Overall Rating For Section", with checkboxes for the three. It's completely observational looking over the above boxes.

Then, after all this is the directions for the manager on how to obtain the results:

Summarize the employee’s overall performance based on the ratings for Section 1 {previous review's goals}, 2 {behavior, skills, job knowledge} and 3 {teamwork, interpersonal, values} results. Exceeds, Meets, Below Expectations is not an average of all the ratings, because some behavioral competencies or objectives may be more important than others. The manager will need to use judgment to determine the final rating.

And then, the final results:

The option Far Exceeds is for those employee’s who demonstrate an overall result above the exceed level in the majority of the objective and behavioral competencies. This result is reserved for ThePit’s top performers who need to be recognized above the high standard of Exceeds.

So, there's no accountability other than a checkbox. Wow, pass, and fail are your three grades. Sectional wow, pass, and fail is observational, not calculable. Finally, ZOMG, wow, pass, and fail is your final grade...where the manager will need to use judgment to determine the final rating.

So, it's no wonder, that at this point -- page six as it were -- I now scroll down to find "the worksheet on Page 7" that VCS has asked me to complete: Individual Development Plan Template. Oh. Shit.

• My short-term career goals are (1-2 years):
  • Expansion in current job or growth positions sought
  • Current strengths to leverage
  • Development opportunities
  • Development objective/actions to help me get there (i.e., training, coaching, job assignments)
• My long term career goals are (3-5 years)
  • Where do I want my career to go, what would I like to be doing 3-5 years from now?

Combine my feelings in general with this company with this completely messed up revision to the employee evaluation, and is it any wonder I can't bring myself to complete that worksheet? The only answers I really want to state is that I don't intend to stay here much longer. There's no way around that. I do not want to be HERE. This is just not the company I joined 14 years ago, no way, no how. Not even close.

I gotta get out of here.

Me 11:17, 13 January 2009 (EST)

My apathy about this place is starting to severely impact the work I produce. Wholes are showing up in data, mistakes are being made, and I'm just not staying on top of any of them. All because I don't care about the work, this place, and my place here.

Some days, I wish I was single so I could just walk out and not give a flying fuck...

2008

Me 23:57, 13 January 2008 (EST)

Can't sleep. It's not terribly late, but I just have too much on my mind with the guild right now to sleep.

I really wish I wasn't so good at listening to people sometimes. I listen to everyone and consider every single viewpoint to the point it's amazing my mind just hasn't shattered into a million pieces. I've spent the better part of this year doing just that -- listening to people -- and trying to help solve their issues. What have I got? Being wide awake at 11:22pm when my alarm is set to go off at 5:30am.

The chat with Karin aside, nothing has been solved. I'm feeling severely ineffective as of late. No matter my decision, it's wrong. My list of wrongness as a leader this year is staggering it seems (and while I know more guildies might read this than I like (hai Roxy!) for met post it, screw it, I need to get it out):

• Founding member of the guild quits when my promotion to leader is announced.
  • Me having been promoted makes her feel she's not welcome somehow. I never could understand why we never totally got along, but I always saw her as a good balance to me. With her gone, things start to slip.
• I promote two people to officer
  • One apparently was at near-burn out stage, but later develops heath issue anyway. He quits the guild.
    • Doesn't exactly highlight me knowing him well.
  • The second ends up going batshit crazy on people when we have the later discussions on raiding.
    • Many view it as me not judging leadership qualities in people well.
• The Raiding debacle
  • What a cluster that thing was. People scream "Fix things!", but don't give any real solid solutions. I toss them into a stock pot, taste the broth, and it seems fine to me. Some say the idea is too hot. Others say it's fine. The vast majority say it's dead cold and the downward spiral kicks in hardcore on my term.
    • Raiding becomes a "dirty word", and while raiding continues, it happens in quiet, solitary groups who don't talk to each other (or in-guild forums).
    • I hate raiding is taken for truth by many.
    • I end up kicking out a guy who wants was well liked by many (and still is), but turned into a confrontational asshat that I couldn't discuss things rationally with any longer.
    • I spend the next five months trying to correct the fallout.
• Guildies slowly begin to drift away.
  • The reasons vary:
    • raiding guilds
    • some just get oogie and leave for friends' guilds.
    • some tell me flat out that "something is amiss in the guild and they can't put their finger on it..
      • These same people say I'm not the one at fault and that, I'm "doing a damn fine job as leader," but they need to move on.
      • It's the most empty feeling I've ever had since T. dumped me in 1993.
  • These varied responses continue to this day. The last one more and more frequently in the last couple months of 2007.
• Summer Server Party has lackluster attendance. My first party as leader.
  • Many say, "Hey, no biggie, people just have more to do at this level cap. They're not in the same boat as 'bored at 60'."
  • I grin and bear it.
• Hallows End Party has just as crappy attendance.
  • Was too much, too soon.
  • No one's heart was in it.
  • I don't grin so much.
• Karin and I begin to have differing view points on everything.
  • I bring up a point. He counters it. I remark about an occurrence and he goes way off in another direction.
  • I begin to second guess every decision I make.
• Raiding Debacle Redux
  • In late November we start thinking critically on how to fix things again. "Bring the kids home" so to speak.
  • A focus group is spearheaded by myself and another officer. We have a fantastic voice chat meeting and all goes well.
    • That Monday, he decides he's stepping down from leadership. My heart sinks.
  • The group discusses things in a private forum and we eventually expand it to all of guild management. The new group is interested and aids in the discussion further.
  • Just this past weekend, we expand it further to past, present, and future hopeful raid leaders to get their input.
    • The very first post is so huge that it makes the monolith in 2001 look like a Nestle's Crunch Bar. It slams the designed project in many ways, but worst of all: it has a lot of valid points against the project.

Add to this Karin once again vehemently stating that my current ideas regarding reranking the guild roster is anti-Sleeper and against our casual nature and I feel completely bobbitized as a leader. I know you can't please everyone. I never expected to do that. However, I keep getting accosted with the supposed fact that I'm completely changing the feel of the guild.

That's what hurts the most in this.

I feel I'm at a point where I'm facing three options:

1. Knock Karin out of management (Oh the repercussions of that!)
2. "Screw it! You want to run the guild "the way you see it" so bad? Here! Take it back! I'm going back to being an Average Joe!" and step completely out of management.
3. Quit the bloody guild, found my own and just see where the splinters lie.

I'm not hugely fond of any of them, but the mental strain is killing me.

2005

Me 23:26, 13, January 2005 (EDT)

For Proteus: This is SOOO up your alley.

2004

Me 23:26, 13, January 2004 (EDT)

Hrmph...and stuff. I'm really not sure where all this is headed.

Our company is going to shit. For all intents and purposes, 3 offices went poofta. Assloads of people leaving in other offices = assloads of people here going there to cover for them = assloads of people here covering for the people who are at the other offices.

No raises to speak of AGAIN until next year. Gotta a shitty - albeit more than many - raise last year. With no raises the year before that, when you average it across two years, it really isn't much more than dry piss in a bucket. And now, lookin at the same next year.

If the tech-market wasn't so shitty, it'd be time to shuffle on...