January 9
From my brain
Contents |
2011
Me 23:57, 9 January 2011 (EST)
At a certain point, you realize that laying awake in bed, tossing and turning is doing you no good, so you might as well just get up. This point reaches you even faster if you've got a lot of crap on your mind AND your back has been wicked-sore lately and the whole tossing and turning thing is seriously no bueno.
Been a long, long time blog. So, here's the updates that Facebook either has swallowed up or that I've been too chickenshit / tired / angry to even post there.
First of all, Italy is completely caput. It's just not going to happen for a very long time now. I moped about the house for a good two weeks when I came to that realization, then I pulled my shit together. That lead to trying to start up the bread business from home again which I gotta say shows some promise. I put about eight items on the menu, and between people at church, the administrative staff at CCI, and TheBoy's teachers, I'm getting a little bit of green trickling in. Word of mouth FTW.
Second, I had what I thought was gonna be a friggin' awesome job lead, that's kinda sorta almost dead in the water. A week before Christmas, I realized that now that the Italy externship is dead, I need to get my ass in gear and get something local. Whatever it is though, I'd really like it to be something that will exist after the externship period is done, so it needs to be someplace where I'll actually be happy.
Literally the night before I had started browsing Craigslist, a job had been posted that I later found out to be at this new bakery that's to be opening in January. I got the interview with the owner-to-be, and it was really rockin'. The problem is that was last month. She's in process of refurbishing the storefront where the shop is to be, and after the initial interview, a positive response -- "I agree that we hit it off, and I really enjoyed the samples you brought me. I do want to meet with a few people first before I make a decision but I still want you to come in with me a day to bake and see how we work side by side" -- it's been all but crickets since. After an email to her last week Sunday, I left a VM for her on Friday and nothing still. I've also been watching the Facebook page for the shop, and while it's still been showing in-progress building...no opening date. Silver-lining? /shrug
This past Friday, I called the school placement director to try to get any idea of other places that might be out there. She gave me a half dozen places that may or may not be my cuppa tea, but I'm gonna give them a shot. One of them she passed my resume on to in fact called me on Saturday, and I have an interview with them tomorrow at 1pm. There is a Pastry Chef and a Bistro Chef position open. The problem? It's at Kroger. I'm going to the interview, but I'm not sure I won't break out in hives knowing what their breads taste like.
When Italy was a possibility still, one of my chefs at school gave me a recommendation to seek out Eleni-Christina Bakery which is part of Rigsby's Kitchen down in the Short North. I walked into that place, and bantered with the guys working there, telling them about Italy's potential and that I'd like to work in a place pretty much exactly like this, and they were seriously cool. (They gave me my new favorite term while we were talking: "bread nerd".) They did say however that if I wanted to come and work through my externship, they're always needing help. If I wanted to get paid though...I gotta talk to the owner.
Tomorrow, I plan on doing just that. I want to get a bunch of balls up in the air right now, instead of making the mistake as I did before with Italy. I really would like to work at the bakery, but Eleni-Christina would rock as well. Kroger, unless it's gonna give me a LOT of flexibility, doesn't sound as promising.
Damn, their baked goods taste like ass.
2009
Me 09:00, 9 January 2009 (EST)
Day Four: Say a quick prayer for Zejan.
Me 22:53, 9 January 2009 (EST)
Prayers need to continue now more than even before. I have spent the last eight months asking for God's mercy on Zejan, so that the truth might come to light, and justice might be done. To some the prayers were answered today, but to the rest of us it's just heart-wrenching.
I think today of a man who I consider a brother. We regularly joked we were like twins -- we just happened to be born in different states, to different parents, an seven months and seven days apart. We completed each others thoughts on a regular basis. We shared our hopes, dreams, and just goofball ideas with each other. In most of my life, the people I've typically become close friends with were women, but Zejan was a rare case indeed, and as such, we shared a kinship I don't think I have ever had -- or will have again.
How then can I rationalize and internalize all that I have seen, heard, and felt this week? My mind is forever to be flooded with the visions I've seen projected on a screen. It's heard things I don't think I'll ever be able to erase from my memory. And inside, I feel like I'm being consumed by the war of sorting all the emotions.
This is a man I looked up to as an incredible, giving, caring, self-sacrificing father to his children. I watched him as he'd go days on end without eating...because the kids needed food. I would see him come into work pale as hell because he'd have donated plasma...again...just to get some extra money for the house. He worked double, and I think even once or twice a TRIPLE shift at the office to help make ends meet.
How can this match up to what I've seen this week?
As I work now on the first of six bottles of cider I intend on consuming this evening (short of passing out), I'm numb. I don't even remember the drive home tonight. I wandered through Kroger to get the cider, paid for it, and auto-piloted the car home. The most I've done (beyond this post) is posting to the blog that friends and I have been communicating with each other on to let everyone know.
Guilty: all 24 counts. I don't have anything else to give anyone tonight. Now, I go upstairs to tell Wifey before returning here drown myself in cider and WoW.
2008
Me 08:09, 9 January 2008 (EST)
On one hand, life doesn't necessarily suck (any more than before). On the other, there's nothing hugely fabulous about it. This is only one major issue though with this situation.
Makes for rather sparse blog posts.
2007
Me 14:34, 9 January 2007 (EST)
It's bad enough in life to have a PPP, but when you're that type of guy who just can't pass gas while standing at the urinal, you have a whole host of issues. I so miss being on second shift, when, after Ceraun would leave for the night, I was free to enjoy a pressure valve release. Now? I have to hold it in until the car ride home. What makes it worse is having the cough from The Crud and a rather massive gaseous anomaly. Impending doom!!!1111
So, I spent today's lunch getting a touch o' psychoanalysis from Lawgirl. I pretty much knew it was coming once she all of a sudden invited me to lunch. Then, once she told the waiter she was buying, I was sure of it. :)
We talked a good bit about the stuff that's been rumbling through my mind. Straightened out a few things in there, but still lots of questions. Still don't know what I'm Going To Do. And, I mean that by, do I want to trudge it out here, do I want to go elsewhere and program, do I want to go back to school, do I want to do the culinary thing?
Right now, top priority is getting the family taken care of, hands down. Just now, I have to figure out how.
Additionally we touched on the Dad/Brother situation. I think I'm at the point of Acceptance with my relationship with my brother. We just didn't have a typical brotherly relationship, and I think I can move on from there. It was handled shittily, yes, but if it somehow slipped his mind that I might have cared about being in his wedding, okay.
My Dad on the other hand should have spoken up. I think that is the part I really still can't get over. It was his job as a parent to say something along that lines. Never mind the bullshit of "I don't get involved in my kids lives." You're their Father, step up to the plate.
I still don't cook with the gusto that I used to. Most days, I have to be talked into cooking by Wifey. My wondrous little mixer developed a clicking noise right before Christmas (in the midst of cookie making mayhem), and I'm still not motivated to repair it yet. That says quite a bit about my desire to cook when I don't even wanna break bread.
