June 2
From my brain
Contents |
2009
Me 22:13, 2 June 2009 (EDT)
This has been a rough day. Didn't sleep well last night as it was, but the day was rough too. (Wifey said that I was muttering in my sleep, almost, but not quite like my teeth were chattering. Bad dreams that I don't recall?) Too much on my mind.
The plan is still in my head, the schooling is still on the books, but the logistics of it are painful to go through.
On one hand, dealing with scaling back / sucking up my pride to go into a tax credit apartment is rough enough. The worst part of that is that most of these type of apartments have two major drawbacks for us. The first is that the neighborhoods often are very, very scary. I mean, I'm just too white, and my children are SURELY too white to be there. Not redneck enough either to blend in. One or more of the four of us is going to get beaten up. The other part of it is those that are good neighborhoods seem to need a good credit score. That's not gonna happen. Not with the house still up in the air (coincidental with the post below, eh?).
On the other hand, I'm paranoid about getting the financial aid covered. I don't know what grants are available to me (if any), but the Sallie Mae loan requires a cosigner. I'm not going to ask MIL and FIL to do it. One, they'd possibly do it in a heartbeat, and two, I don't want to turn into Wifey's ex who borrowed all kinds of money from them. I don't care of my intentions. I'm not going to be him. So, instead, I'm pulling what little hair I have left out to try to get that last $4.5K covered.
These two combined have put me in a serious funk today / tonight and everything in between. I happened to have made seriously rockin' pizza for the family for dinner...but it didn't seem to help my mood. Maybe some sleep tonight will.
2008
Me 08:44, 2 June 2008 (EDT)
Well, as of Friday night, we're officially in-contract. Yes, the price is low. It's $30 below our estimated value / original asking price, and even ~$10K below the total amount owed the bank (which doesn't even include the fees and whatnot for the government and sales agents), but still, it's an offer and both parties have agreed to the terms. RealtorLady has at least softened the blow of it all by saying that as she does so many short-sales, she said $50-75K below the loan amount is more typical. We should be thankful basically.
With the house officially up, that meant Saturday was a day of moving crap out of the house. Princess had a cold, but TheBoy went to MIL and FIL's. That left me to go to TKD in the morning, get the keys for FIL's truck from MIL, and head to the house by myself to load. I had a bad feeling about it.
Last week Wednesday was hard. That was only about ten minutes. Four hours, alone in the empty quiet house, sorting through the last scraps of things to prioritize what's to be moved/stored and what's garage sale was unbearable. I was never so relieved to hear Wifey say over the cell that Princess was feeling a bit better, going to MIL's and then she would come and help me. That was going to still be a two hour wait (I had been there an hour or two at that point), but I figured I could make it.
That was around 12:15, and by the time 2:30 had rolled around, Wifey still hadn't showed, and I'd had somewhere around 2-3 decent anxiety attacks. The emotional impact was just too overwhelming. So much stuff, so much still to sort through, so many memories. Being in the basement was easier because it was just "my area", but there was still decisions such as, "Do we really use this pasta drying rack? Ugh, no. Ditch it."
Walking through the rest of the house though? It was like walking through a dead relative's house. My nerves were on end. When I went into Princess's room, I couldn't even look up. Those clouds that I'd spent so much time into painting for TheBoy all through my stronger days between chemo, the love he had for it as a baby, and the love that Princess had for it as well was ripping me apart.
I had to go back down and retreat to the basement, sit my my old arm chair (which damn it I am NOT giving up) and just sit. I'm man enough to admit I cried a bit. Not big huge Old-Yeller-died weeping, but more like Rocky-lost-in-the-first-movie welling up. My heart was racing like I'd just ran up and down both flights of stairs five times and my head was spinning. I just sat there and closed my eyes and tried to relax to pull myself together. It worked for about 30-45 minute spurts.
Eventually, Wifey finally got there. I gave her a big huge hug after a bit (our neighbor and her daughter are buying some of the furniture off of us and they hung around to talk for a bit), and felt like a tool for breaking down. I'm supposed to be the strong one, and have been until now, but I was falling apart and now we both knew it. Leaning on each other, we got things sorted out and loaded up to take to apartment.
There's more to load, and we have FIL's truck still to use. The only problem is I know that I'll have to do much of it on my own. Hopefully it will go a bit better. I don't know.
In other news, Saturday night I made the official announcement to the guild that we're going to be throwing another server party. I was really excited about making the announcement...right up until Marwyn reminded me that there was a raid on Hyjal that night which meant that up to 25 people in the guild were definitely not going to be there. That old school anti-raider started to howl and convulse in me.
These parties are what our guild was known for. It still is. We haven't thrown a big, serious party since last year in October, and still I get people putting, "You guys throw great parties!" on their applications. The raiding element really wasn't that bad last year, but there are a few members that are too hardcore for my liking these days and are pushing too much to have 25-man raiding be a bit thing going on for us to do solely in-guild. I'm not about to make it a focus for us.
I also know I can't make too big of a stink about it.
Guild night populations have been at all-time lows recently because there is at least one raid group (if not two) that has their run on Saturday nights. That used to be a time that people generally reserved for hanging out with guildies and kicking back. Sure, raiding is fun (I go almost every Friday), but it's no where near the same community feel you get from guild night.
There's this brooding guy in the back of my head who keeps mumbling incoherently. I catch what he's saying every now and then. The only words that are really understandable are "raid split".
I won't be surprised if he's gonna be proven right before this year is up.
2007
Me 15:11, 2 June 2007 (EDT)
- Yesterday
- $290+ for tires
- Today
- $320+ for brakes
- $120 for car insurance
NOW can we go on vacation???
Me 12:56, 12 June 2007 (EDT)
By the time we left the tire place and headed to my in-laws, they were already on the way back from Cleveland (nephew's HS graduation). They changed clothes, we loaded up the van with their stuff, got the camper from the storage place, and didn't end up heading out from COL until 4:30ish.
For the evening, we stayed in Lexington, KY. It was well passed the kids bedtime, and it took a good half hour to get Princess to sleep. TheBoy on the other hand, woke up, walked into the hotel, stayed up a little while, and then passed out.
The bed was wondrous however. I had always poo-pooed those memory foam mattresses, but damn that was a good night's sleep.
2005
Me 01:25, 02, June 2005 (EDT)
I'm tired.
Nuff said.
2004
Me 02:57, 02, June 2004 (EDT)
My Private Flame War
In honor of the idocy of one of today's headlines, I thought I'd post some of the other filthy disgusting things out there:
