WTB Date
From my brain
Comedy gold on this one.
Original Thread from Barthillas Realm Forums (now dead)
Slappafappa Level 60 Human Paladin Guild: Affinity Realm: Barthilas
WTB Date
WTB Date
7/24/2006 2:22:32 AM EDT
Well, as you obviously gathered unless you have absolutely no way of tracking time and or date, we are slowly but surely approaching the end of the school year. This means for us year 12's that disappointed parents, mixing drug induced unprotected sex sessions and the formal are all condescendingly floating on the horizon. I'm insouciant about all but one of those things, and that is the formal.
At school I am mercilessly bullied by mean boys who are inordinately jealous of my quick-wit and dashing inner beauty. They frequently hurt me (physically and emotionally) with their constant beat-downs and malicious name-calling. This is why occasionally I am not the nicest person to patrol these puerile forums. Please understand I have a lot of pent up rage and have become reliant on the positive affirmation I receive over the Internet. Anyway, I always see these mean boys with amazingly beautiful girls, so a near-perfect plan started to form in my head. I was only missing one significant detail.
You see, I've always had trouble talking to girls. Every time I even see a girl glance at me my palms get overly sweaty, my back itchy, and seemingly my throat seems to swell up because I have great trouble talking / swallowing and breathing. I know some of you heard about my earlier encounter with a girl who reached for her pepper, so I punched her in the tit and yelled "DEATHCOIL", well this is a highly accurate example of what happens when I try to communicate with these odd creatures. Yet, despite my problem with talking to girls I have courted countless e-chicks (Konstantine, Alesia, Snowscarla, Ska and Mayra to name a few), so after coming to this realisation, a solution was very clear.
If you are a female living in New South Wales I will pay you 2000 gold to be my date to my school formal. Not only that, but thanks to my highly supportive guild leader, Toldon has offered to take the winning e-chick through MC (where they will be able to choose one epic of their choice) should they happen to give me my first kiss in front of the juvenile school bullies.
Please email all applications to slapthatjerk@gmail.com
Make sure you include a recent picture of yourself (in the last 2 years), your Warcraft and real life name, your RL level, a short paragraph about your likes / dislikes / hobbies, and if you're willing to go all the way with me for an extra 1000g.
Applicants must be over 16, but if between the ages of 16-18 a signed written form of consent from their parent or guardian must be attached to the application.
"Wot gose wit encahnting?"
"Spelling."
Re: WTB Date
7/24/2006 2:22:53 AM EDT
FAQ
Q: Are you serious?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you look like?
A: 
Q: Where exactly will the formal be held?
A: Sydney.
Q: What if I live very far away? How will I get there?
A: Regardless of where you live, if you currently reside in New South Wales transport will be provided.
Q: What time will this occur?
A: The formal will occur on the 28th of August (applications close on the 20th). The actual harbour cruise begins at 5pm, yet we will be meeting at the local mall at 2pm to buy you a dress / shoes and other apparel.
Q: Will I have to bring money?
A: No, all expenses are covered (including dress / shoes / accessories of your choice).
Q: Can I submit an application?
A: If you are 16 or older and female, you may submit an application. However if you are under 18 written and signed consent is needed from your parent or guardian.
Q: How do I know if I'm female?
A: Feel the area a little bit above between your legs. You are not female if you feel a protruding muscle.
Q: How do I know how old I am?
A: Count the number of years between when you were born (ask a parent or guardian if unsure) and the current year (2006).
Q: What are you expecting? For example, some tit or a goodbye BJ?
A: All I'm expecting is a date. Yet for each "base" over which we transcend you will receive an extra 250g.
Q: If I do not live in NSW is there any way I can become eligible?
A: If you are willing to transport yourself inside New South Wales borders, you may become eligible.
Q: Is there ANY way I can become eligible if I'm currently not female?
A: I hear http://www.srsmiami.com/ offer excellent gender reassignment surgery. If this is completed by August 20th, you would be eligible.
Q: Must they speak English?
A: No. But some sort of basic communication medium is recommended (1337 4 X-4|\/|P13).
